If you are worried about spoilers for the finales of Heroes, Lost, The Office, and/or Gossip Girl, stop reading now.
Heroes: "An Invisible Thread"
What happened: The Brothers Petrelli fly (literally, together, at the same time) into the room, powers a-blazin' ready to take on Sylar ni a final showdown. Nathan obviously loses, and Sylar slits his throat. Mama Petrelli freaks out and begs Matt Parkman to (get this) erase Sylar's thoughts and memories, and replace them with Nathan's. This somehow causes Sylar to shapeshift back into Nathan. When he wakes up, OH GOD IT'S NATHAN BUT NOT REALLY. Matt Parkman does not agree with this and pouts. Everyone else is left in the dark about SylarNathan and everyone apparently goes about their lives...until a few months later when Nathan has an overwhleming and familiar fixation with his clock being a minute and a half slow, causing Mama Petrelli to inwardly "oh shit". Tracy Strauss is now a water mutant, killing off former Building 26 employees. She froze herself to save Micah, got shot and exploded, and melted down a drain, but not before a groan-inducingly bad CGI wink at the camera. Matt Parkman recovers from the loss of Daphne (BOOOO) in like a week and wants his ex-wife back after learning about the existence of BabyMattPahkmun. She's iffy. The episode closes with him mind-powering the bad guys away while he holds his new/old family close. Hiro has ear and nosebleeds from overdosing on his powers, and Ando has Street Fighter powers. Peter is still whiny and indecisive. Claire is still finding out what to do with her life, and has really terrible bangs. Mohinder seems to no longer have a purpose. Danko is still a giant douche. Mr. Muggles still rules.
Pros: Sylar hitting on Claire was the most hilariously creepy thing I have ever seen. I also really enjoyed the arc involving Hiro's illness - is it something that could happen to any of the characters, or just him?
Cons: I know this show is far-fetched...but COME ON. Do they honestly expect SylarNathan to never regain his memories? They would have to keep Parkman around for the rest of his life in case of any slip-ups, which apparently are already occurring. Parkman hated the idea to begin with, and I doubt now that he has a family that he'll want to follow the Petrelli gong show around. They didn't even let the viewers wait like...10 minutes before showing Sylar peeking through his new body. And Tracy? JUST DIE ALREADY. Seriously that's all I can think of regarding that. Her character is boring and useless and provides nothing but eye candy. And I have Sylar for that....wait, no I don't, because Sylar is Nathan now. Oh for fuck sakes.
Rating: 3/5. Sharks being jumped and such.
Lost: "The Incident"
What happened: Other than 2 hours of my eyes bleeding from watching AS HARD AS I CAN...Jack, Katie, Sawyer, Juliette, Miles, Jin, and Hurley drive up to the Swan to toss the bomb into the drill site, which is on the verge of exploding. Dr. Miles' Dad tried to halt the construction, but Radzinsky is a huge dick and forced the workers on. They hit the electro-magnet pocket, causing the drill, the huge scaffolding holding the drill, some cars, a toolbox that made some sweet impact on Jack's head, and some chains which led to Juliette (Dammit.) all get sucked into the hole. Sawyer loses his shit and almost gets sucked in himself. We find out that Rose and Bernard (YAY!) have been camping it up in the jungle with Vincent in the 70's the whole time and just wanna chill out and live their awesome in love lives. Sun still hasn't found Jin. The Ajira survivors continue being shady and being the mysterious box of mystery over to...somewhere they don't tell Frank Lepidus they're going. John Locke, Ben, and Richard take the Others to Jacob's place, which ends up being the damn statue foot we saw in Season 4. (I know, right? This fucking show.) John tells Ben he has to kill Jacob. Ben does it because SmokeMonsterAlex told him to do whatever Locke says. But not before everyone watching was kicked in the face by the reveal that John Locke's body was in fact in the mysterious box of mystery, and the John Locke we've been seeing the whole time wasn't John at all, but was in fact that random guy at the beginning of the episode that said he would find a loophole and one day kill Jacob. Even worse, said guy is apparently the Smoke Monster. Before you can recover from that, The show takes us down to the bottom of the drill hole wreckage and JULIETTE IS ALIVE YAY! But very very screwed. She notices the non-detonated bomb next to her and repeatedly smashes it with a rock until BOOM! White flash, end of episode. *breathes*
Pros: The Locke/Smoke Monster twist was brilliant. Miles having the "DAD!" moment with Dr. Chang was perfect timing. Jacob having a direct connection with all of our survivors at some point in their lives? Brain-meltingly wonderful. I will be thinking of what happens in Season 6 for the next 8 months. I hate myself.
Cons: I really, really liked Juliette. I also kind of really wanted Ben to realize that he was in fact NOT with John Locke inside the statue. Also of course, we have no idea of the effect of the bomb, and will not have any idea until Season 6 begins. All we got was a flash of Jack's eye. It's torture.
Rating: 5/5. Lost makes me scream at my monitor.
The Office: "Company Picnic"
What happened: Big Dunder Mifflin company picnic. Michael and Holly do a skit for the employees, which bombs in every sense of the word. Michael writes her a note and waits for the perfect moment to give it to her in an attempt to get her back, but decides against it, seemingly happy with being able to see her every now and then. Scranton takes on Corporate in volleyball, Charles Miner is a dick as usual. We meet Dwight's best friend, who is amped-up Dwight, and is a general asshole to Angela until Dwight yells at him to stop. Angela has a glimmer of thanks in her eyes. Pam hurts her ankle and Jim takes her to the hospital. In the final scene, Jim gets called in to the room for "an update" and OMFG PAM IS PREGNANT EVERYBODY NOW YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! Jim calls Dwight, tells him to send in the subs, shoots an adorable teary-eyed look at the camera, and runs back to Pam.
Pros: JimandPam JimandPam JimandPam JimandPam JimandPam JimandPam JimandPam JimandPam JimandPam JimandPam JimandPam JimandPam JimandPam JimandPam ...I'll stop. Ryan on his phone during the game was hilarious. Also got a huge kick out of Stanley relaxing in his chair being all "Pfft, way to volunteer for ACTIVITIES, I like my chair thank you very much." And they used the hospital set from Scrubs.
Cons: Michael and Holly's skit was almost too painful to watch. David Wallace almost shat himself in embarrassment. Charles Miner makes me angry just watching him.
Rating: 5/5. If only for the last scene.
Gossip Girl: "The Goodbye Gossip Girl"
What happened: It's graduation! The Mean Girls are focusing on who will be Queen once Blair's gone to college, and Jenny's set on putting a stop to it. She decides to go about it by beating out the other girls on bringing the biggest gossip to the table during the grad party. Blair is stressing over Chuck not admitting he loves her. Gossip Girl sends out a nasty blast about everyone, and Serena decides to try and identify her. It's a senior, and its' someone who's off to school with some of them. They are linked to Eric's BF Jonathan, who turns out to have hacked GG's e-mail. Jenny finds primo material for the party. When everyone's at the party, GG posts every single thing she's ever been sent, and everyone briefly hates Serena. She tells GG to meet at a bar, and GG gets all deep on everyone and reminds them that they are the reason she even exists. Chuck finds out Blair slept with his Uncle Jack and gets all huffy. Blair tells Chuck she loves him again, and he says nothing, again. Blair cries. Jenny and Blair meet in the bathroom, and Blair spills that she, in fact, thinks Jenny deserves the Queen title. The Mean Girls buy Random New Girl a headband crown, Blair promptly rips it out of her hand and announces Jenny is Queen. Jenny sits down and gets to business. Nate decides to go backpacking with Vanessa after all. Rufus proposes to Lily with a club wristband. Rufus and Lily's estranged son Scott, that they were told died, ends up at the cafe where Nate and Vanessa are and briefly speaks to Dan. Blair is walking down the street to discover Chuck was flying all over the globe to retrieve all her favourite things. He tells her he loves her too, she tells him to say it again, and the episode ends all kissy and romantic-like, but not before Georgina sneaks into NYU and asks to be Blair's roommate.
Pros: FINALLY CHUCK AND BLAIR. Scott going to school with Dan is going to cause a huge awesome-storm. Jenny is in charge now and I like this. Rufus and Lily are calmed down finally and I like Nate and Vanessa together.
Cons: Georgina seems to just be on the show for lack of plots. I was a tad disappointed we didn't get to unmask Gossip Girl, but that's kind of the point of the whole show.
Rating: 5/5. Stoked for next season. So much opened up.
Welp, that's it. I think this took me 2 hours to write. Sleep time, y'all.
1 comments:
Heroes is such a bad show yet we can't stop watching
Not having Lost in my life anymore sucks
The Office was pretty good
Spoilers: 24 season finale wasn't great but it was better than Season 6 overall!
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